​...AND THE INSIGHTS CAME

…and the insights came
with her full blown rawness
honesty so true it is painful
 
sad yet thrilling
such openness to change
to let go
 
to grow grow into her strengths
into her confidence
into her trust
 
such transformation is monumental
yet simply ordinary
for my red dakini
 
she cannot be ignored
her wrath can turn you to ash
or at least have you looking in the mirror
 
we seem to be on our tiptoes
in the most aware but relaxed fashion
sparking each other
 
it’s as if lifetimes have passed
in our very short time of knowing each other
a fated love that feels so right
 
so strong
yet so vulnerable
hard and soft, repelling and magnetizing
together at once
loving you may not be easy
but leaves me utterly fulfilled
 
© stephen.futral / 30.june.2017

Loving, Tender, Raw, Emotional, Baring and Daring
STEPHEN FUTRAL·MONDAY, JUNE 5, 2017
​
Loving, tender, raw, emotional, baring and daring
She encapsulated our relationship
With these great and precise words

Of course more can be added
But these have a rhythm a cadence
That coincides to our dynamic

How are words imbued with deeper meaning than
Surface appearances? Only via personal experience of those words,
which is what I feel with these words

‘Loving’ oh like never before, perhaps iit’s the distance
the love is felt seeping in through the pores into nourishing my
cells, organs and mind, there is a knowing

‘Tender’ like the softest velvet gardenia flower so sensitive and caring with an aroma
that causes a swooning in delight coming from deep understanding of the pain of
humanness

‘Raw’ like having the top layer of skin removed even the air is painful, existence
juxtaposed with death in constant awareness of the limitations of time and space
indulge the moment

‘Emotional’ we have both cried and understood the pain we cause the other traversing
the skandas and ayutanas processing holding on and letting go it all goes deep

‘Baring’ with strength and warriorship the viscissitudes of our minds riding the waves of
pain and pleasure gritting teeth and smiling seeing coemergence vividly

‘Daring’ both of us stepping way out of the confines of expectations beyond the norms of
societal acceptances beyond approvals surprising each the other living with abandon
while being playful as the rug gets pulled out

YOU make me dance to the beat and rhythm of this life, rich in the six realms of
existence you give my heart arrhythmia in the best sense of the word, loving, tender,
raw, emotional, baring and daring…we ride the razor’s edge / loving you so
​
© stephen.futral / 4.june.2017

NUMB
STEPHEN FUTRAL·THURSDAY, JUNE 22, 2017
​
Under the spell of mental numbification
We move along our daily paths in avoidance
Avoidance of the pain and suffering of truth

Apathy is a result of jaded over stimulation
With a dash of fatalism / I mean ‘why bother?’
What will it be like to think and feel

No one wants to step out of the cocoon
To transform and adapt to the next stage of growth
Preferring to stay comfortable in the status quo

Performing and communicating with the pretense of awareness
Yet camoed by the apathy and numbness…avoiding
The painful relationships, the sorrow and empathy of
The dilemma of humanness the compassion of open heart
The horrors of these new age politics as we watch
The birth of american neo-fascism as if our hands are tied

Better to hurry up along and progress beyond
Beyond the pale of our disheartenment
Beyond the discomfort of making friends with ourselves
Beyond the concepts and realities of death and dying
While remembering we are ALL in the same boat
And NO ONE gets out alive….

Jolly good luck!
​
© stephen.futral / 22.july.2017

SPACE
 
it wasn’t as if I was waiting
waiting for someone to come along
it would it could be nice
but it wasn’t like that at all
 
you came out of nowhere
serendipitously wandered
into my life
with no fanfare
other than being who you were
 
we were so in synch
so quickly
there wasn’t even time
to feel a sense of shock
 
but when you wanted to meet me
and drive out here
it scared me
now I would have to
walk the talk
 
it’s been a year now
four visits under our belts
and a fifth coming up
2000 miles apart is still
2000 miles apart
 
when that need for space arises
and we are out of communication
for a day…or so
I feel something is missing
part of me is gone
my mind wonders and wanders
projections hinder and
pain manifests
 
yet there is nothing hidden
no agendas no trysts
just space without
the other inside our heads
 
how is it that a 70 year old man
can feel like a teenager
like a protagonist from a romance novel
like a soap opera from TV
like an artist in love with his muse
 
I just want you beside me all the time
in my heart
in my mind
in my home
in my bed
 
hey, I am so far from being dead
enliven my loins
enrich my creative juices
sharpen my mind
keep me on my toes
 
you my love
have brought me
to my knees
humbled by your wisdom
infatuated with you presence
infuriated at times
ah, isn’t that so good
so passionate
so real
 
and when we come back
when there has been enough space
it is as exciting as our first meeting
like reading the poems
you write to me
you, the provacoteur
the Dakini…I bow

© stephen.futral / 6.march.2016

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MOON PHASES...

Are you aware of how the moon influences?
Can you read the messages you get from the world?

…everything is in flux, tides come in and go out
all is interdependent, change is the only constant

…impermanence is all around us
death comes without warning
beware the jabberwok

                              (do you feel fulfilled?
                              are you satisfied?)
                              what are you looking for?

is it ever found?
can this emptiness be filled
(and not with the garbage of mental vicissitudes)

seems all of life is a preparation for death
a lesson in impermanence
a process of letting go till we have to let go of our bodies

tomorrow is our last day again and will be our last night
before another departure and that sense of torture
we seem to put ourselves through

this visit was a further unfolding, opening, filled with
painful honesties as only a Scorpio Rising can deliver
as only she can expose

I am in debt to her as inspiration
as the Shakti energy of the Dakini
that we, as men, sometimes need

I was sick the entire visit
with a phlegm-ridden hacking cough
that had me sleeping in a chair most of the time

it made the visit more real in its own way
in the way of impermanence and ordinariness
in the way of tenderness and lovingness

I think we felt more exposed to and with each other
more honest, vulnerable and earthy
grounded in ordinariness, we perhaps, came down from the clouds

one can have all the info and uber hip knowledge of how things work
of how one let’s go how one opens and staves off attachment
yet, in the midst of emotional reality one buys into the broken heartedness

that broken heartedness of being a human
of being in a loving relationship
of that mix of emptiness and fullness
​
©stephen.futral / december-january 2015-16

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SHOCKING BLUE

(ode to an Eastern Bluebird)
 
your electric blue coloring caught my eye
such outrageous rich color
like the blue of blue


then there was your 
robin colored breast
warm and cold 
on the color scale


this gorgeous little being
seen fluttering on the ground
hurt and unable to fly


we tried to nurture it back
but it was its time to go
thank you for the glimpse 
of your beauty 
a cherished memory
of a moment’s passing


©stephen.futral/ 22.april.2014

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